Goodbye, Cringer

Cringey with his "radar ears."

As a writer, writing about things going on in my life or issues on my mind is a therapeutic way for me to process what I’m thinking about or working through.  Loss and grief is one such time I find it necessary to spill my guts to fill a blank page because I can’t let it swirl around inside my head for fear it will slowly kill me.

Cringey wearing his "heart on his sleeve."

So here I am today, sitting at my computer, sharing with the world my devastation over the loss of my kitty, Cringer.  I see my cats as my own children, and the loss is not easily felt when it’s time to tell one of them goodbye.  Cringer had a wonderful life.  He was almost 20 years old, missing his birthday by a little over a month.  He had a special marking on his right shoulder that often looked like a heart when he sat down.  We used to say he wore his heart on his sleeve.  He loved playing fetch with his mouse toys, rubbing his face all over a catnip pillow, and chasing a laser pointer when he was younger and could get around easier.  He was fearless, jumping up high to explore with his brother in our architectural wall cutouts.  He often greeted you with a small trill or a meek “mow-mow” while he did his trademark little “bump and slide” on your legs.  He loved us, and he loved his kitty brothers and sister, often snuggling with his littermate, Tigger when he was still with us, or one of the others.  He had a short stint as a Household Pet show cat with his brother.  He did well, winning over the judges with his personality while Tigger hated every minute of it.  It was funny how different they were from one another.  I thought Cringer would be skittish, hence the name.  For those that didn’t grow up in the 80’s, he is named after He-Man’s battle cat when he was not fighting evil.  He earned that moniker when he came home with us as a kitten and promptly hid under the futon that doubled as a couch for three days while Tigger ventured around and only joined him sometimes, I think just to keep him company.  

Tiggy and Cringey as kittens.

Brothers snuggling.

One of my favorite memories of him is how he loved to snuggle and hold my pregnant belly as I slept.  I think he’s the one that pushed me into labor because he walked on me, and right after that  my water broke.  Nyah was three days late and I guess Cringer felt it was high time he meet the little heat ball he’d been snuggling with for several months.

Suave little kitty.

It’s a funny thing when you’re grieving … there’s the usual need to put away and hide everything that will remind you of what’s missing.  It sort of seems like you’re scrubbing that part out of your life, when in reality the hole that’s left in your heart can’t take seeing something as simple as a can of wet food in the fridge or bowl filled with dry food on the counter.  And then there’s this new thing that happened to me this time around.  Suddenly little things previously left undone became important and time sensitive.  I feel a strong need to finish them that hadn’t been there before.  Perhaps it’s the need to be busy so you won’t think about it, or it’s the need to feel whole and complete simply by finishing a project.  I grieved differently with Tigger, Cringer’s brother.  I couldn’t be at home because it was too much not to see him and everything at home seemed to remind me of him.  I went hiking, I went to the barn, I went to the beach, I just got out.  With Salty, I bawled often, but was still able to be at home. 

Cringey and Tiggy at a cat show.

 Times like these are a good reminder to stop and take time to spend with your loved ones.  Things will continue to happen when you least expect it.  Today, someone wise told me that animals teach us the hardest things in life.  I wholeheartedly agree with that statement and it never gets easier.  You just learn to expect that it will happen, prepare for when it does as much as you can, and make the tough decision without regret.  

 

Top left to right:  Pouncer, Leo, Salty, Cringer, & Tigger back in 2013.  Rest in Peace, Salty, Cringer, & Tigger.