An introverted reaction to unboxed ideas

Photo credit:  Microsoft

Alternating hot flashes and cold waterfalls of chills from the sweat invading my hairline and armpits, and sliding eerily down the small of my back.  Racing heartbeat coupled with a dark ocean throwing my stomach around like a tiny fishing boat caught out in a storm.  Shaky limbs, not unlike a rush of the scared adrenaline that comes from a near-miss driving 80 on the freeway.  Inability to focus or the appearance of tunnel vision teasing the outskirts of my eyes and threatening to interrupt my game.

I experience all or most of these when I’m about to be, or am, in the midst of something completely out of my safe zone.  I definitely feel it all when I’m about to have a tough discussion with someone; the one situation sticking out in my mind was the time I went to ask my boss for an increase in salary.  Smaller situations, like having to talk to someone for the first time, only alert a few of these feelings.  Ultimately, it depends on the scale of the situation, but the point is my flight instincts take root and push me back into my box, telling me I should not come out because it’s a big, scary world. 

Because of how my brain tells my body to react, I tend not to jump before thoroughly thinking things through.  I ruminate and analyze ... like crazy.  Even though this small part of me holds its hand out and pushes me forward, telling me it’s something I should do, I hang back and tell myself I need a little more time to decide. 

Some people find and seek an adrenaline rush from taking the leap, while I’d rather not feel the sweats, the stomach roll, or the marathon heartbeat that accompanies a rash or uncomfortable decision.  I hate stress and the fact my brain must perseverate over it even more.  So, I underestimate my own ability to be successful at something new, sometimes to the point of missing out.

Each time I have taken that leap; however, I have looked back and realized it wasn’t nearly as hard or scary as I thought it would be, and I ask myself why I waited so long to decide to do it in the first place.  Armed with the knowledge from those experiences, I look forward and try like hell to remind myself that each thing I do is not as scary or tough as I make it out to be in my mind, and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out!  Learn, grow, and move on, but AT LEAST TRY.  If you don't, you'll never know if you're successful or enjoy doing it!