My birth certificate says 1977, my high school diploma reads 1995

Ok, so 36 isn't that old in the grand scheme of things, but I find myself having trouble knowing that it's almost been 20 years since I walked up onto the stage of my high school and took my diploma after a hearty hand-shake from someone, possibly the Principle or the Vice Principle?  Maybe both?  Memory could be failing me at the ripe old age of 36.

It's not just the fact that my 20-year reunion is around the corner.  My daughter talks about things I have never heard of and listens to music I know nothing about.  I also find myself muttering "get a room" under my breath whenever I see couples engaged in PDA.  Oh, help me!  I've become one of those people that I swore I wouldn't when I was younger!

I think about middle school, high school, college, and any time before my 30th birthday.  And then I think about what I'll be like at 40, 50, even 60.  I think about being 42 at Nyah's high school graduation and 46 when she finally turns 21 and I can take her to Las Vegas.  Will I still be fun or will I be old and crotchety?  WIll I have grey hair and wrinkles I try ruthlessly to cover up?  Better yet, will I have more aches and pains than I do today and will there be yet more physical limitations to add to the list? I hate the fact that I can't do all the things I once could with ease.

Truth is, I hate that I'm getting older and the real reason probably is not related to everything mentioned above. Getting older means that your friends and family members are getting older, too.  You start to wonder who won't be here tomorrow...next week...next month...next year.  These thoughts started to amplify when my grandma passed earlier this year and more recently, an iconic soul, Bill Ray.  Both were about the same age and lived wonderfully full lives. But, they're gone and we won't ever be able to see or talk to them again or hear them tell great stories.

So, who's next? I shudder to think that I could get a call soon that my dad or my mom has passed....or one of my sisters...or a family friend.  I know that death is all part of the cycle, but that doesn't mean I can't fight it every step of the way.