What makes a great leader?

Picture credit:  Corbis/Microsoft clip art

I’m curious about something.  When you think about your life (either at work or elsewhere), who were the most positive influential leaders you had the opportunity to interact with or be around?  Think about it for a second, I don’t mind. 

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Ok, got your leader(s)?  I have mine.  Think about this person or persons.  Why made them so great?  Why did they spread awesomeness wherever they went?  What was it about them that influenced you to look up to them and hang onto every word and action they did?  Write it all down if it helps you think.

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Alright, since this isn’t really a two-way conversation, I’ll share mine.  There are two that come to mind, and we’ll call them N and B. 

N                                                                                                            

·         Excellent listener

·         Thoughtful speaker

·         Never interrupted

·         Was human (made mistakes and admitted it)

·         Admitted fault when wrong/sought to make things right

·         Intelligent and took time to understand how things work

·         Would shield others when necessary/took brunt of backlash

·         Constructive with feedback

·         Looked for opportunities and gave them to people

·         Neutral

·         Good business sense/understanding of the corporate climate and business

B

·         Excellent listener

·         Thoughtful speaker

·         Never interrupted

·         Was human (made mistakes and admitted it)

·         Admitted fault when wrong/looked at how to make things right

·         Intelligent and took time to understand how things work

·         Would shield others when necessary/took brunt of backlash

·         Offered feedback in a positive manner

·         Gave opportunities to people for development purposes

·         Humble

·         Great speaker

·         Neutral

·         Made time for anyone

·         Good business sense/understanding of the corporate climate and business

·         Futuristic outlook with respect to moving the company forward

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Notice anything?  Yes, they have many of the same traits. Did you find that to be true for the leaders in your life?  What else do you notice?  How about the fact that there aren’t any negative or derogatory items on the list?

The reason I’m writing about this is people often misunderstand what it means to be a great leader.  A good business person or manager isn’t necessarily a great leader.  Great leaders are selfless, they understand others are needed to help them achieve their goals, and they want to bring people together from all walks of life to get to a successful end result.  They don’t step on people to get to the top, they don’t alienate people, they don’t lie or cheat, and they take responsibility for their actions.

To be at the upper echelon of leader greatness seems to be a rare thing.  Some of us may think we haven’t had an opportunity to be in the presence of a great leader.  However, we are often given the opportunity to choose to be among them; specifically, in the form of elections.  Don’t squander it.

Bringing new meaning to the phrase "TMI."

 

My head hurts.  Not the kind of hurt you get from a neighbor banging away on a drum set or the kind of hurt from a stabbing migraine behind your left eye.  No, this headache is entirely different.  It’s been brought on by the multitude of information flowing freely from the Internet and people’s mouths.  It’s a headache that can only be brought on by too much information overloading the senses.

What am I talking about?  What the rest of the world is talking about non-stop.  The election … what else?  This election cycle is truly a sight to behold.  In my thirty-nine years I don’t think any other election has elicited so much controversy, fear, or the constant barrage of information (or misinformation as it should be classified).  It’s mind-numbing, mind-blowing, and headache-inducing.  

An introvert that’s been exposed to too much information, I tend to shut down and not want to be part of the conversation anymore because I feel utterly helpless or defeated in my thoughts.  It’s too much to try to take in at one time because I have to sort through and analyze every piece of information to help me form a cohesive thought and to land on the ability to voice what I think.  I’ve even spent time thinking about how I would share how I’m feeling in a blog post because I think it warrants being said, but not the detriment that it falls on deaf ears or doesn’t actually do any good because I’m pro-something that you are not and then a major fight ensues over our differing beliefs.  At that point it becomes a waste of my time and yours.

So here goes.  To all my friends of voting age that will be voting in the fall, I want you to do something.  I want you to stop listening to other people and ignore all the stuff written by and reported on our candidates and actually do your own research to help you form your own true opinion.  Go to their individual websites and read what each candidate says they stand for in their own words.  If you can, see them speak in person and listen, really listen, to what they say and how they answer each question posed.  Watch them speak on television and hear what they say they stand for and what they say they will do.  Write it all down to go over later if you have to.  Don’t listen to media outlets or third-party conspiracy theory websites, or even the other candidate’s views and thoughts on their opponent(s).  What matters is what comes from your candidate(s) directly.

You might be wondering why I’m asking this of you or why I even care.  I care because for our own sanity, we have to stop the cycle of disjointed facts, misinformation, and barrage of things that don’t matter.  When we all can form our own opinions based on information that is coming directly from our candidates’ mouths can we then stand up and say that we’ve done the homework and do feel confident in our voting choices.  Don’t be part of the problem of sharing around misinformation or taking part in idle gossip.  Be a part of the solution and base your choice on what you see and hear coming from the candidates themselves.  When someone asks you if you feel like you have a strong enough candidate for whatever position they’re running for, you can then feel confident with your answer and you can actually explain “the why.”

 

Do I have to love the ones I hate?

There are a lot of articles and blog posts out there about people who are narcissistic, sociopathic, psychotic, or just plain toxic.  Many, if not all, of these articles talk about removing these people from our lives and how it’s much healthier to do so.  What you don’t seem to find very often in these articles is what happens when a toxic person with any or all of the above traits happen to be a family member—either blood relative or by marriage.  It becomes a hazy shade of grey with a lot of “err, umm” going on when you ask the question, “shouldn’t we love and accept family no matter what?” 

I know, I know, people out there say that no matter what we should care for our family members because they’re our family members.  But, what if these people in your family are psychotic or sociopaths?  I’m not being facetious here.  Why do we have to like, love, or let alone, associate with people we don’t want to be linked to or have anything to do with just because we’re related?  We certainly throw around the words “like” and “hate” with people that aren’t related to us, so why not do that for all of our relationships in our life?  Why does family get a special “pass go and collect $200” card no matter what?

Over the last twenty years of my life, I’ve had the recurring thought about certain people in my family that if I wasn’t related to them, I wouldn’t be friends with them.  I finally evolved my thinking when I focused on the fact that I spent years (yes, YEARS) allowing toxic family members remain in my life and how I needed to stop allowing it because it was doing no one any good … well, except for the ones that were narcissists.  They seemed to always come out on top no matter how much they shit on you.  I guess they should since they’re standing at the top of that pile of shit, right?

There is a good part of this story and it's about how I cut out the toxicity like a cancer so it can no longer take and take and take.  At first you might worry what you’re missing out on in your life when you cut these people out of your life, but that quickly goes away when you find you have less stress and drama and you feel happier without them.  Some of you may be die-hard “unconditional love for family,” but you don’t have feel that way.  In fact, you should ask yourself if you have toxic family members in your life and if so, why do you continue to allow them to suck the life-blood out of you?  What would happen if you “took a break” from all that BS?  Take it and I think you’ll find you’ll be happier without them in your life, too.