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| 32 oz of shit juice. |
If you have questions about anything I didn't mention about the process, let me know in the comments. It's something we all should do as we get older if you can. If you're at the age to get a colonoscopy, please schedule one. I'm here to tell you that it isn't as bad as you'd think.
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1/4/23
In a little over a week, I’m going to have my first colonoscopy. When the nurse first told me I was due for this fun little procedure, I smiled and said okay, but deep down I was dead-set on actually following through. There was no way I was going to do it because I feel fine and I’m sure nothing is wrong. Those were my thoughts, anyway. In the spirit of complaining about getting older, I mentioned it to my daughter and she then proceeded to send me a video of Ryan Reynolds going through the process (not literally, we didn’t actually see him having the procedure, just that he did it and they found some polyps that they promptly removed). Two things happened after I watched that. First, I realized that my daughter was telling me that I need to do it as a preventative measure to make sure I don’t have anything to worry about. Second, Ryan Reynolds did it and put it on TV. Surely I can do it, too, right? After all, if there’s nothing to be worried about, then it’s done until another ten years goes by.
So, here I am, about a week out from my procedure, kind of freaked out about doing it if I let myself think about it too much. I sent away for my special prep package as suggested by the doctor. It’s a pretty good package of instructions and items to use, of which the jell-o and the chicken broth aren’t things I’m going to eat since I eat a plant-based diet, but everything else is good. The instructions…they’re very thorough and a little overwhelming at first. I’ve read them over a few times just to make sure I have my schedule ready for when I have to eat specific food a few days beforehand and then a liquid diet the day before and day of. So, things seem on-track and alright. Well, maybe I am a little freaked out about having to consume a whole bottle of powdered laxative in 64 oz of Gatorade. I get that they want you cleaned out, but damn.
Those are my thoughts for now, I’ll check back in when I start eating Just Egg morning, noon, and night starting next Tuesday.
1/11/23 I started the special diet on Monday and I’m hungry. And tired of broth. And that part sucks because tomorrow I can only have water and broth and then I start the “cleaning out” process in the afternoon. Yes, that’s the part where I have to drink 32 oz of Gatorade with something like Miralax dumped into it. A whole container dumped into it. And then I have to proceed to shit myself for who knows how long. I also feel like trash because I had to stop taking my supplements and iron pill last week. Tomorrow will be the worst and then Friday will be the day and it will be over and I can go back to normal life. At least I’ll lose some of the holiday weight I gained.
1/12/23 11am Liquid only day. Yay. It was weird drinking veggie broth for breakfast, but it went well with my coffee, so there’s that. I’m feeling like trash since I can’t eat a regular meal. Hunger came on just 2.5 hrs later so I’m having another cup of broth. At least I had the good fortune of picking up some Propel water last time we went to Costco. Drinking that helps. Later today I have to take two laxative pills and drink 32 oz of Gatorade and shit powder. And then the fun begins. More to come…
1/12/23 5:29pm The lemon lime Gatorade is disgusting. I have never been a fan. The farts have started. Awaiting the blowout…
1/12/23 5:32 Damn that hit fast. I felt like I had to pee, had a small toot, and then I knew it was time and I had to RUN to the toilet so I didn’t shit myself.
1/12/23 6:10pm Liiquid should not shoot out of your ass. Ever.
1/12/23 6:47pm I hope this is over soon. No one should shoot this much liquid out of their ass.
1/12/23 7:43 Thankful for the bidet. Thought I was done, bidet triggered more. It appears clear, but I have to finish the second 32 oz tomorrow morning. WHY.
1/12/23 8:22 No judgement, but I’m sleeping on a puppy pee pad in bed because I might shit myself tonight while I’m sleeping. Also my stomach is growling and I’m hungry again. I can’t wait for this to be over tomorrow.
1/12/23 8:57pm Goddamn I hope that was the last of it for tonight. I’m shaky and sweating, oh and I'm trying to stay hydrated with all this liquid shooting out my ass that I also have to pee every five minutes.
1/12/23 9:17pm That was the most water that has ever come out of my ass. I really hoping it’s done for the night. On the plus side, I now know it takes four plus hours to do it’s thing so when I drink part two tomorrow, I’ll do it at 8am so I’m done with plenty of time before I have to get in a car and go to my procedure. Really considering adult diapers for the car ride…
1/12/23 10:08pm One last pee before bed because of all the damn water I drank and some more came out. Really hoping that is it for the night because I don’t think my butt can take anymore….
1/12/23 10:15pm Nope, spoke too soon. Please let this be the last time I have to sit on the toilet tonight. I really don’t fancy sleeping on it or in the bathroom…
1/13/23 1:52am - Had the urge to go, so at least I didn’t shit myself and I woke up. A little more liquid shooting out of me. Happy Friday the 13th??
1/13/23 1:54Am - Just when I thought I could go back to sleep I have to get back up and go again. Please let it stop, I just want to sleep.
1/13/23 3:46am Thank goodness for diarrhea dreams? Yes, I’m back on the toilet.
1/13/23 9:54am I’ve had a couple of small bouts, but now I’m in the thick of it for the last 32 oz of laxative I drank. Decided to have another cup of broth before 11am rolls around because after that time I won’t be able to have anything.
1/13/23 10:29am Do you really want to hear about all the times I’m on the toilet? Drank more broth and had water. Brushed my teeth. Ready for 11am where I can’t have anything after that. Appointment is at 1:45, procedure should begin at 2.
1/13/23 10:59am The poop appears to be completely clear! Yay!
1/13/23 11:19am Had another one, but it’s not too bad. It’s still clear. Oddly, I feel better today than I have all week? Maybe there is something to a cleanse. But not eating solid food is not really for me.
1/13/23 3pm My friend was right—the worst part is the prep. Everyone was so nice and personable, there was music, a warm blanket, and it was really a fantastic experience, which is weird to say. Everyone that was a part of the experience asked if it was my first time and said, "welcome to the colonoscopy club." They really do make you feel welcome. Once the anesthesiologist shot the sleep juice into my line, I went right to sleep. Out like a light. I was under for about 20 mins and I came to easily by myself since they don’t put you under deeply. When I had another surgery that was more intense, It was hard to come out of it and I was really nauseated. This time, none of that. I recall thinking I was having a strange dream with people talking as I was waking up, which in reality were the folks in the room talking. I was waking up fast and still felt them finishing up, but it didn't hurt. I closed my eyes and rested them until they started moving me to my recovery room, where I was for about thirty minutes. I had one polyp removed and sent off for biopsy. It was fairly small, so hopefully nothing to worry about. Also the two ladies at the front desk loved my nails and they are nail gals so I told them about Color Street and gave them free samples. Glad I had put more in my coat before I went! Now I'm going home to finally have some real food! I'm starving!
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