Control

Control is an interesting thing.  We all need to have it in varying degrees and we all do different things with it when we do or don’t have it.

Depending on the kind of person you are, you may use it for good or evil.  I think it’s fairly obvious when you see good and evil in action.  What most interests me about control at the moment is what people do when they lose it.

Take, for example, your own life.  Think about a time when you lost control of things going on in your life. Maybe it was at your job, at school, or at home.  You just didn’t feel like you were driving the car, nor could you get out of the passenger seat and back into the driver’s.  We’ve all been there.  So, what did you do? 

Personally, when I have lost control of a situation or several situations at one time (scary, I know), I need control somewhere else to balance it and will look for other areas of my life where I can accomplish this so I don’t feel totally helpless.  Here’s an example:  back in 2009, the company I worked for and loved working for decided to close the location I was at.  I had no control over my immediate work destiny, or so I felt.  I recall being very sad and upset because I wanted to stay with the company as I finally found a place I wanted to be for several years.  Eventually I was able to find another permanent role within the company, but after about a year of doing temporary roles where I could.  Even though I felt like my overall career was up in the air, I looked for little things I could do and accomplish at work or even at home that would give me control and begin to balance out the scales.  Maybe it was to lead a project (which I did), or clean the house and rearrange the furniture (did this also to the chagrin of my family).  Those were things I could control, and doing so helped me feel accomplished and a little more upright.

I’m an observer in life, and I enjoy watching and learning how life in general goes about the day.  People, animals, plants—it’s all interesting.  I probably observe people the most since their behavior is so unpredictable.  In the realm of control, I’ve seen people operate as I do when control is lost somewhere.  I’ve also seen other people take it to an extreme level and reach out beyond their scope to try to gain control.  This is where it becomes an interesting, even funny thing (and not in a good way). Now mind you, this is observed with adults and not children.  I feel like pointing that out will bring an even greater interest to the story because adults are supposed to know better, right?  Not necessarily.

I’ve been a bystander and a participant when someone tries to exert control beyond their own lives in situations where a person has lost control in a major part of their life or they have several things where they are not in the driver’s seat.  What happens is they start to control what others do in their lives, or they try to.  It’s curious to be a bystander watching this and a completely different experience when you’re on the receiving end.  When it happens, it’s unbelievable and you’ll probably say to yourself, “I’m an adult, I shouldn’t have to deal with this.  Why does that person think I can’t make my own decisions and why are they punishing me for having my own voice and life?”  Because they haven’t learned how to balance control within their little scope OR somewhere along the line they learned it’s either easier or they get more satisfaction from exerting control over other’s lives.

So … what do you do?  Having been through it more than a few times in my life, I have learned to just keep being me and doing my thing.  I can’t control what other people decide to do (ironic, right?), nor do I want to.  At the end of the day they have to get their house right and I do, too.  I just choose to do it in a healthier manner and I hope that eventually they will learn to as well.