In all seriousness ...

I have two jobs.  I’m a writer and a Younique Presenter for cosmetics.  Back in 2013, I changed careers from Human Resources to writing.  Not completely uncommon for folks mid-life, right?  I’m sure you know some people that have switched to a different career or two over the span of their working life.  Selling cosmetics was something that just happened and was completely unexpected.  I used a product and fell in love with it and felt like I had to share it with the world (I literally said this after using it).  

I enjoy doing both of these roles, but I have to be honest—I was afraid that people wouldn’t take me seriously as a writer because I also shared cosmetics.  Believe it or not, I struggled with that thought for months.  Now, I look back on it and think about how silly it was to feel that way—just because I have another thing I like to do that isn’t a traditional job or is the complete opposite of another role I have, doesn’t mean people should take me less seriously.  Sadly, I didn’t conclude this for myself.  Rather, I read this amazing article about Lyndsey Scott.  Don’t know her?  She’s a successful model AND a software engineer.

Here’s the thing—why do we look down on people and assume they can’t be intelligent because they model or sell cosmetics?  Why do we immediately question their abilities in whatever they do?  As you can see in Lyndsey’s case, people immediately shrugged off her success as a women in the technology field and even made fun of her.  After I read some of the comments people had for her and then her epic clapback, I got to thinking about how people would react if they learned that a high profile Calvin Klein model was also a software engineer.  Would they roll their eyes and say, “Yeah, right” or would they smile and think, “cool?”  

For me personally, I enjoy both things and why shouldn’t I be able to do them without fear of being taken seriously if they have brought me happiness and personal development?  What you don’t probably realize is that although I sell cosmetics and it seems like a fluff job, it’s not easy.  It’s a challenge, and to be successful I have to step outside of my comfort zone … all the time. 

The other thing, which was an unexpected aspect of becoming a Younique Presenter, is the fact that it is symbiotic with my job as a writer.  There are aspects of both that mutually benefit each other.  Being able to write good, catchy taglines and be succinct in your messaging is an important part of marketing yourself as a Presenter.  As a writer this has helped me immensely with this aspect of my Younique role.  

On the other hand, getting comfortable with hearing “no,” having to stand up in front of people to read a passage from a book I wrote, or sit and talk to fans while signing book copies were not skills I had in my wheelhouse … that is, until I became a Presenter.  I almost didn’t change careers to become a writer; I almost didn’t do something I love to do because I was scared.  When you tell yourself you can’t do something, that message gets into your psyche and can really derail your success.  

This story has a good ending; however.  I’m more comfortable with actually asking and hearing “no,” which means I am ready to query again with my next book instead of going the route of self-publishing.  I do lives every day, many times without make-up—do you realize how big of a step that can be for someone that is an introvert?  Accomplishing that is preparing me for being able to stand up in front of a crowd and read from something I’ve written or sit for hours, meeting new people and talking to them while I sign their book copies.  Small talk is hard for me, but I’m growing that skill with my Younique role.

So, my point of this post is this:  people choose to do things for their own reasons.  Could be developmental, could be educational, it may be fun, and it may also satisfy something missing in their lives.  Perhaps instead of mocking someone or being skeptical of their choices or not taking them serious in whatever they do, we could all be a bit more supportive?

Are you doing it wrong?

In high school gym class, we played Badminton.  If you ask me to this day if I enjoyed it, you’ll hear a very emphatic, “No!”  I hated Badminton because I was awful at it.  Over the years the sport came up in conversation and I would share my thoughts and the conversation would move on.  It hasn’t really come up all that recently, but something I read recently about a completely different topic brought me back to why I hated Badminton (plus things in my life that I was not good at).

Thinking about it, I went into the game thinking it would be like other sports with racquets and you could treat the birdie like a racquetball or tennis ball.  Every time that birdie would come to me, I would bat at it with everything I had because I thought that was how it was supposed to be.  Turns out, I was doing it wrong.  You can’t slam that little guy with everything you’ve got because it’s not a solid object.  There are holes all over it, which means air flow will definitely play a part in where it goes.  Plus, the little ball tip basically guarantees it will waver and wobble in the air and will not follow a straight trajectory.  You have to be careful and hit it with enough energy to get it back over the net, but not so much that it doesn’t go anywhere.  

So now that I’ve had that epiphany about Badminton, I’ve started thinking about other things I didn’t like because I was not good at them.  It’s like a whole new door has been opened.  I have this new lens on life to retry things through having a better understanding of how they’re supposed to work.  I want to learn more and get to the root of how I was doing it wrong.  It’s exciting, this new way of thinking, and I kind of want the same for other people because their lives could change from this knowledge!  Just a simple tweak or two or a gathering of more information about something could propel you into a new level where you’re really good at something and could possibly even make a living at it.  

At the end of the day, I’m not saying I want to be a professional Badminton player; just that the simple act of realizing I was doing it wrong opened up the possibility that other things I was bad at and hated to do are probably in that same category.  I have to say, it’s kind of fun to come back to and re-evaluate something from your past to give it a second chance because you’ve changed the way you think about it and have learned a new and different way of going about it.  Next time I have the option, I’m actually going to try to play Badminton with this new understanding and epiphany about the sport and myself.

Control

Control is an interesting thing.  We all need to have it in varying degrees and we all do different things with it when we do or don’t have it.

Depending on the kind of person you are, you may use it for good or evil.  I think it’s fairly obvious when you see good and evil in action.  What most interests me about control at the moment is what people do when they lose it.

Take, for example, your own life.  Think about a time when you lost control of things going on in your life. Maybe it was at your job, at school, or at home.  You just didn’t feel like you were driving the car, nor could you get out of the passenger seat and back into the driver’s.  We’ve all been there.  So, what did you do? 

Personally, when I have lost control of a situation or several situations at one time (scary, I know), I need control somewhere else to balance it and will look for other areas of my life where I can accomplish this so I don’t feel totally helpless.  Here’s an example:  back in 2009, the company I worked for and loved working for decided to close the location I was at.  I had no control over my immediate work destiny, or so I felt.  I recall being very sad and upset because I wanted to stay with the company as I finally found a place I wanted to be for several years.  Eventually I was able to find another permanent role within the company, but after about a year of doing temporary roles where I could.  Even though I felt like my overall career was up in the air, I looked for little things I could do and accomplish at work or even at home that would give me control and begin to balance out the scales.  Maybe it was to lead a project (which I did), or clean the house and rearrange the furniture (did this also to the chagrin of my family).  Those were things I could control, and doing so helped me feel accomplished and a little more upright.

I’m an observer in life, and I enjoy watching and learning how life in general goes about the day.  People, animals, plants—it’s all interesting.  I probably observe people the most since their behavior is so unpredictable.  In the realm of control, I’ve seen people operate as I do when control is lost somewhere.  I’ve also seen other people take it to an extreme level and reach out beyond their scope to try to gain control.  This is where it becomes an interesting, even funny thing (and not in a good way). Now mind you, this is observed with adults and not children.  I feel like pointing that out will bring an even greater interest to the story because adults are supposed to know better, right?  Not necessarily.

I’ve been a bystander and a participant when someone tries to exert control beyond their own lives in situations where a person has lost control in a major part of their life or they have several things where they are not in the driver’s seat.  What happens is they start to control what others do in their lives, or they try to.  It’s curious to be a bystander watching this and a completely different experience when you’re on the receiving end.  When it happens, it’s unbelievable and you’ll probably say to yourself, “I’m an adult, I shouldn’t have to deal with this.  Why does that person think I can’t make my own decisions and why are they punishing me for having my own voice and life?”  Because they haven’t learned how to balance control within their little scope OR somewhere along the line they learned it’s either easier or they get more satisfaction from exerting control over other’s lives.

So … what do you do?  Having been through it more than a few times in my life, I have learned to just keep being me and doing my thing.  I can’t control what other people decide to do (ironic, right?), nor do I want to.  At the end of the day they have to get their house right and I do, too.  I just choose to do it in a healthier manner and I hope that eventually they will learn to as well.