You're always on my mind

Yesterday, I joined a group on FB for my 20-year high school reunion planning (please don't remind me I've been out of high school for 20 years!).  As I looked through what people had posted so far, I came upon a picture that continues to be on my mind today.  I'm not likely to stop thinking about it anytime soon, either, given the time of year it is.

The picture, simple enough, was a shot of a signed t-shirt from the school's winning fifth grade team for a Battle of the Books competition (remember how fun those were?  Choose a great team, read a bunch of books, and answer a few questions in the hope that you'll beat out all the other teams and move on to compete with other schools).  Forever memorialized, this shirt is on the wall at the elementary school those winners attended.

One of those winners; however, is no longer with us today.  Just looking at the signature in his fifth-grade cursive handwriting pushes me into that place I go to in March and September although I do think about him frequently and in short bursts throughout the year.  In March it will be 16 years since his death, and in September he would have turned 38.  For some reason I still have a hard time dealing with the loss of my friend.

Will and I knew each other ever since we were babies, maybe even when we were still fetuses growing in our mom's bellies.  Our families were close and we spent a lot of time together.  Will and I seemed pretty inseparable and he was probably my first official best friend.  We even went to 8th grade prom as friends.

In high school, we didn't spend as much time together.  As we move through life, our friendships seem to come and go.  However, with Will, there was still that deep bond that wouldn't ever be broken even if we didn't hang out every day or converse on a regular basis.

As we grew up, we just had different paths.  Different friends, different choices, different life experiences--it's inevitable in order to become who we are meant to be.  Still, it doesn't make it any less painful that I didn't spend more time with him during and after high school.  If I had, I'm not sure it would have changed his life route, but at least I would have been physically present in his life.

So, 16 years later, I still can't change the past.  All I can really do is hope to someday move on from this loss and perhaps start to turn my twice yearly mourning cycles into something more positive--perhaps a remembrance instead.  Maybe next year if I see his name scrawled on something in his neat penmanship I'll be able to smile fondly instead of frown with sadness.  For now, I just hope he knows (wherever he is) that people love and miss him all the time.

We all can't be therapists...

As with many families, mine is prone to drama.  A lot of it.  It seems to stem from one source on a regular basis and it had me saying, "Enough!"  Over the last several months, I've thought about sharing this post with the greater world purely for my own benefit:  I need to get it off my chest.  The reason why it has taken so long to write is I let my inner voice dictate my actions.  You know that voice...the one that says, "Don't do it--you'll piss someone off."  Actually, I'm sure this will piss many people off, but the bigger point (other than to get it off my chest) is to get everyone thinking about the time they give (or take from) others, especially when it comes to unproductive behavior.

Ok, here's where I'm going with this.  Because of this family drama and this one particular source, it seems as if I've spent an inordinate amount of time listening and trying to help, mostly to no avail.  It's a lot like my job in HR used to be sometimes when employees wanted to vent, only I'm not getting paid in this situation.  As I continued to allow the repeated "time suck" to occur, I began to question this regular occurrence.  And I ask, "Is it truly fair to continue to use the time of friends and family to complain or spread drama?"  Mind you, we aren't therapists that charge by the hour (although, sometimes it feels like we should be).

I understand that as human beings, it's not a good idea to bottle things up and to never talk to others for fear that you're wasting their time.  We need to talk things out and deal with them.  My point is; however, is to do it constructively.  Make it a brain-storming effort for all involved so the problem actually gets addressed (and hopefully corrected) so it stops happening.  If you're just into bitching about something or creating drama, then get a therapist.  That's what they get paid for.  The rest of us could be using our time more wisely than listening to drama and complaints that don't go anywhere and that suck the life blood out of you.

So, friends, today's message is simple:  time is precious.  Use it wisely and don't let others take it from you for their own petty shit.